Letting some stuff go...

It has become necessary for me to let a few things go and not harbor it in any longer. Due to my recent ulcer flare up, it's blatantly obvious that if I don't it could potentially kill me. So in an effort to save time, and not make my lack of grammar skills any more obvious, I will simply  make a list. So here goes...

I am currently letting go of:

The notion that I am ever going to be skinny
Trying to please everyone every day
Angry thoughts that nag in the back of my head
Paranoia
My OCD to keep everything in it's place
My OCD to keep the kids in line, I will now share that responsibility with Macgyver more
Stressful people

My list is a short one for now, but in fairness it is nearly 6 am and I've been up a few hours. I have come to the realization that while some people have good intentions, they aren't exactly healthy for me to deal with, and so I will concentrate less on them and more on my family. Immediate and around the globe. I always feel bad that I have no real connection to either of my parents. I was doing the letter thing with my dad until he stopped writing and now I just don't feel inclined to write him anymore. I will simply wait for him to take initiative. I saw him a few years ago and that was something I really  needed/wanted to do, and now that I have, I'm satisfied. I love my father, he was basically the only parent who ever showed his love towards me. But you know, I have to let go of the idea that one day we'll have this huge reunion and everything will be rainbows and sunshine. Cus it's not. When I went to see him, it was more akward than anything. Doesn't change the love I have for him though, and so I will move on. I really miss my siblings a lot. The ones that I've become close to in the last couple years. It's sad our lives keep us so far away from each other, but you know, that's how it goes. I really feel like they're finally growing into thier own and it makes me proud. Now that I'm getting more involved in life, ( took a while ) it's become apparent that I do not have all the time in the world anymore, and so I have to appreciate what time I do have connecting with my siblings.

In other news, I really really really can't wait for the weather to start warming up. My green thumb is getting itchy and I need to feel the earth in my fingers and toes. Smell it in my nose, and taste the fruits of our labor. I'm really hoping this year we can become more of a real life farmville and start becoming self sustainable. I'd like to be at least 35% self sustainable this year. So I will make that my goal. This year we are planting potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, maybe green peppers, leeks, cantalope, maybe watermelon, and I'm sure there will be more. I want to also use our fence for blackberrys and rasberries, and plant a plum tree. This is my goal. Nothing tastes as good as your own straight from the garden produce, and I love to watch the kids play outside and run to the garden for a snack. Both my kids love eating tomatoes fresh from the vine like apples. Just wash em off at the pump outside and dig in. You really noticed a difference between storebought and home grown tomatoes. The storebought are just so tasteless. Of course I did learn that they are pretty much given a high dose of radiation to turn them red before they're ready so they are ready for market. How gross. I like mine with spots and sweet tasting from mother nature's hand.

Who likes new recipes?? I know you want this one.
TACO SALAD
Need:
1 small can of chili beans ( do not drain )
lettuce
regular italian dressing ( use about half a bottle directly into the salad )
1 lb hamburger cooked
tomatoes
black olives
shredded cheddar cheese

Mix this all in a bowl together and serve with tortilla chips. Quick easy lunch or dinner and VERY tasty.

I'm always on a quest of new ways to pinch pennies. I love seeing how much I saved. Just the other day I saved the cost of a new cieling fan because I found a part in the garage that Macgyver thought he lost. Apparently the fan isn't made anymore and so he was looking up the price of a new fan when I got fed up and walked into the garage, directly to where it was, and picked it up. It's like I have a 6th sense or something for finding things. I just haven't located my sanity yet. Probably never will. Oh well. :P So go me for preventing yet another shopaholic moment. Yah I guess I should say Macgyver likes to spend money. A lot. He recently purchased a 50 something chevy. " But it's a good family project car!!" he whined. Well for 5000 we better be able to drive that bitch home. We could I guess, just not with any of the windows. Needless to say I'm a little miffed. We finally get out of debt and he puts us right back in. Well that's ok, just means I have to tighten the purse strings a little more for him and put him on a spending freeze. He's not going to like it but he will do it. My ideas have saved us so far. Anywhoozles I guess that's it for now. It's working on the time I have to wake the heathens up for school and I want to relax and enjoy my last cup of coffee before the madness begins. Until next time..