Change change everywhere there's change

Hi everybody. It's been a great while since I last posted on this blog. So great in fact, that I had to recover my password from an email address I not longer possessed! It was a hoop jumping experience but I did well anyway. Life has throw my way a TON of change. I am now one Macgyver short, and one middle of nowhere short as well. I am now a singleton on the cusp of divorce, and I moved the minions and I out to the city in an apartment where being frugal, and gardening have taken a back seat. I've been trying to grow and change with the times and find a routine that's profitable and successful. Heartbreak has been had, by all members of this broken family, and yet somehow we find reasons to smile. I am getting back into the swing of things, but now I work 2 jobs and have one day off, which I spend with the kids doing fun stuff. We swim every Friday at the local rec center since I live so close to it, and we usually always hit up garage sales when it's warm. We try to go to the library every Monday, even though last Monday found me napping peacefully in my bed for 3 hours instead. My minions have had to adapt to living in two places and only seeing their dad part time. They are with me most of the time. They've had to grow up a little more than I would have liked, but all in all, I believe that it was for the best. I will update you now on everything. 

The youngest minion, dubbed "ninja" has successfully completed her requirements in the junior class, and will now be moved up to the older class. She has acquired a yellow/white belt that will turn solid yellow upon her completion of the first promotion. She is now 8 years old, and entering the 3rd grade. I can't believe how big she's gotten. Physically she's tall and lanky but her blue eyes still shine and her brown hair bounces with every step she takes. These days she's usually running away from me, but she always finds time to cuddle. She is her father's baby, so this transition has been most difficult for her. Acting out and getting into fights with her brother have become the norm. I am trying to understand her, and help her find ways to cope while finding my own coping mechanism. Swimming every Friday has helped her out tremendously. She loves to jump in the water and swim away her cares. She is a true water baby. Just like her mama was at one time. She's all attitude but that's not a bad thing necessarily. She's feisty and loveable and innocent. 

The oldest minion, we will call "Einstein", is now in full fledged teenagerhood. He has hair under his arms, and on his face, and his voice is cracking up a storm. He is still incredibly moody yet there is a gentle sweetness to him. He is wicked intelligent, yet I can't help but think some of it goes to waste. He reads books by the bucket full and loves his video games. He will be in 8th grade this year and hopefully I can get him to focus more. This transition has been tough on him as well as the only thing he knew was mom and dad together. He has had anger outbursts and then shuts down. I am trying to keep things consistent with him in hopes that he doesn't stray too far off of what he truly is. He is still playing piano, yet not as vigorously as before, and still the sarcastic little turd I know and love. 

The change has been tough for me as well. In a few weeks, it would have been our 14 year wedding anniversary and it will come and go.  I have felt like a huge failure for a long time because I couldn't make it work no matter what I did. I realize though, that part of the problem was the unwillingness of Macgyver to take any responsibility in the problem. It was all my fault as far as he was concerned, and so I am the bad guy here. I left in September and I haven't looked back. It's been a very rough road for me. I've had to become humble in a lot of ways, and I'm always tired due to having 2 jobs now and hardly any time for myself. Still I soldier on, and in the process have met some great people. I also have learned that love is no my enemy and it is possible to have it in my life, but first I need to start with love for myself, and that often is the toughest thing to understand. I did not love myself before, and I was content to suffer the rest of my life in the deep holes I dug. I look back at previous posts and I shudder because I can remember who that girl was. I can feel what she felt, but now I'm completely different. I feel happier, lighter, freer. I'm in control of my own life now, and nobody can do anything to stop me. I'm sure people have judged, and some have pulled away due to the awkwardness of it, but that's ok. I've made some great new friends whom I never would have known if not for my situation. I've discovered a ton about myself, and realized that I am not a meek, easily intimidated girl. I'm a strong woman who's coming into her own and learning how to deal with whatever life throws at her. I struggle a lot with personal conflict. In the beginning it was, "what the hell am I doing?", followed by " I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life!". Two very real fears. Now I'm content. I am ok with being alone, and I am ok with the situation. My  heart is finally free and so is my body to do as I wish. Nobody owns me and that's a great feeling. I don't know what the future holds for me, but whatever it is, it is already 100% better than what it held for me before. I never want to be trapped again. I need to swim in the currents, and feel the sun on my skin and the love in my heart. I need to know what it's like to give and receive love, and grow. Growing is the most important to me and I try every day to do just that. I don't know what the future holds, but I know what I'm capable of, and trust me, I will do great things. 

 

You took a walk with me today....

And here are the things that we saw.
First, I had to get ready to go..so this is my get up..( Sorry it's sideways )

 Walking along, we see the cows grazing in the pastures.

 Long dusty road.

 This is where we'd stop to watch the prairie dogs play.

 Long road home.

Hello me it's me again...

Hey guys, well here I am again, posting another blog entry when there's so much that I can be doing around the house. Today is Sunday, which means I need to do laundry, vacuume, dishes, and recycle. Then I need to run to the store to buy a paper and take advantage of a really great sale, and then who knows from then on. It's supposed to be hot today and with no A/C this is gonna be a fun one. 
So where have I been the last almost two months you ask? Well when I last left you, I was in the planning stages of going on vacation to Colorado. We ended up driving 6 1/2 hrs up to Victor which is a lovely little mountain town with lots of character. Notice I said character and not people. It was sleepy to say the least, and certainly not as exciting as it was made out to me in the beginning but all in all, I liked being up there. On the other hand, I ended up suffering from altitude sickness and not sleeping for 2 days straight. We ended up coming down the mountain to Manitou Springs CO and spending a day there before moving on. We came home ( since we only live a few hours away ) and then went back to Golden CO to see the Coors Brewery and Animal Sanctuary. It was a fun vacation despite the no sleeping part and Colorado is a beautiful state with lots to do. Since we've been home, the boy has picked up piano lessons and has been doing a great job so far with them, and we've been trying to find more and more things to occupy our day. Some days it's going to the pool to get sunburned and swim all day, and some days it's going to a friend's house to spend time. I really hate sitting in the house now a days and now that I've grown my wings, I need to stretch out and fly. Of course the MR gets irritated with me for that reason, and I just shrug and do what I damn well please anyway. He's the one who moved me in the middle of nowhere, and so as far as I'm concerned he has no reason to complain when I find things to do. 
Anyway, the girl celebrated her birthday a few days ago and it was a fun time. We spent it with friends at the local rec center, swimming and eating cupcakes. Good times. I really can't believe how big she's growing. My preemie isn't so helpless and small anymore. I'm both proud and sad. All things grow though and she definately is. The boy is in the beginning stages of teenagerhood and has a mouth and attitude to match. I really can't wait for school to start up again. I miss my peace and quiet. 
The garden has bounced back remarkably and is now starting to produce. Granted so far it's just been a trickle. A few strawberries, a couple tomatoes, a cucumber, and a pepper, but they're growing and blossoming and soon I'll have more produce than I can manage. That's a good thing though because I know quite a few people who could benefit from the excess. 
I've been trying to live frugally lately and it's not working out very well. Everytime I manage to pass up a spending opportunity, another one hits us and I break down. It's not like my life depends on being frugal, but I just love having the extra on hand in case something happens. Right now, I'm trying to avoid the cost of a window unit for our house since we do not have A/C. I think a simple 100 dollar one would suffice, but the MR wants to get a 400 dollar one " because it's what our house requires". UGh..it's always like that though. Always has to have the best and most expensive. Imagine how irritated I must be on a daily basis. Lately that's all I seem to be. I can't pin down any one reason for it, but it's not like if I could, I would change. It's just not in my DNA to do anything different. That fact is irritating in itself. So many people say " oh but you can if you just believe!" and I roll my eyes and say , "ok Peter Pan". Life doesn't work that way. You cannot survive just on love and a strong belief that things will be ok. Most of the time it's about quiet saccrafices that go unnoticed and for good reason. Nobody likes to think that life is hard. They want to think that true love conqures all, and hard work is rewarded and virtue is key. But it's not. Love doesn't exist for some, and hard work only makes life harder, and it doesn't matter how virtuous you are, you will never be rewarded for that either. Sometimes life is about hiking up your pants and chasing down the bull and letting it trample you for the sake of  others. Happiness never comes to some, and that's ok because sooner or later, you get used to it. You get used to putting on a prosthetic smile, and nodding happily at moments where most people would find complete bliss, but you're so far down in your misery that you cannot fathom why you should be happy about anything. Life has moments that make you smile, but your heart never smiles anymore because it's burdened with trying to function. That's life people. Not that sappy disney shit that makes you say " ohhh life is so grand". The boy sometimes never gets the girl, the sick never get better, people live their entire lives fighting until they die, and then they are forgotten. Welcome to the real world. Well, the blog started out promising anyway...sorry for the gloom and doom.

Thoughts

As I sit here and type this, the turkeys are singing a very loud morning song. It always cracks me up to hear them react to each other as they do. One will start whistling and then the other 2 will do it in response. It's amazing to me how animals can develop such personalities. We've name them by the way. Tyson, Hercules, and Dora. Tyson is he alpha male as it would seem. He's the dare devil that will attempt to fly, and ends up crash landing in the process. He's the loudest, and the one with the most feathers. Dora is the only female of the group ( we think ) and the meanest. She pecks Hercules, and steps on every body's heads and steals their treats. Then there's poor little Hercules. The other male, ( we think ) and the most submissive of the three. Dora has been pecking his behind for a while now, and as a result, it's pretty gruesome. I've had to save him from Macgyver wanting to dispose of him, and I separated him from the other two, in hopes that he can heal. So far he looks like he's doing ok. He's still eating, and drinking and grooming and chirping and moving around alright, it's just his underside that looks gross. So here's hoping he heals. In other news, the end of school is in sight. Only two more days. I'm not really happy about this. Not because I'll have kids home all summer, but because I feel like they are growing up way too fast. My babies are not babies anymore. They're growing and learning and becoming adults. Although I know not for a long time yet, but still. Not happy.
In other news, I'm not sure if our garden is going to survive. It has been nothing but chilly and windy for the past since we've planted it. The tomatoe plants are laying on their sides, and some of the leaves on the other plants are yellow and curled. I've tried to water them just enough and not drown them, but with the rain we had, and the weather, I don't know. If we get any crop this year, it'll be amazing. I REALLY want a sturdy green house honestly, to keep the plants safe from the elements, but that would be REALLY expensive. Not sure why it's so windy either. I mean I know Nebraska is windy, but I don't remember it being THIS windy for THIS long. Today it's supposed to be a warm 68 but it won't feel like it because the wind gusts are supposed to be as high as 40mph. I'm about tired of it all. We shall see if mother nature decides to calm down or not.
Also, in a few weeks, we will be going on vacation. I can't wait. We're going to go to Colorado to go gold panning. Should be an interesting experience. Don't worry if we strike it rich I'll let yall know.
Ok well my attention is now diverted, so more later.Until next time.

Mother's Day

Hey everyone! Well let me just say it's been a BUSY few weeks. Basically the weather has gotten warmer, and NOBODY wants to stay inside for too long. As it is, I'm tapping out this blog while I procrastinate cooking dinner. It's a brisk 85 degrees out there, and this is the kind of weather that makes even the animals lazy. Speaking of animals, we added 3 new members to our "herd". 

That's turkeys folks. For now, they're babies, but once they get a wee bit bigger we can set them loose in our yard and they can fatten up on grasshoppers and various other bugs. We're not going to eat these guys though, they're already like family. Next week, we'll be getting guinies. They're kinda like chickens but not and they eat the ticks and sand spurs we have going on around here. Can't wait! 

Changing gears, we went to a few yard sales last weekend, and found some new cabinets for our kitchen. Not a complete set mind you but when you're on a budget, you have to get the things you want in pieces. I think they look nice. 

Please excuse the mess. I'm currently a slob.


Yesterday, we finished up our garden. Well ok, not completely finished, because we still have the potatoes to go into the ground, but for the most part, done! Macgyver put up the fence, while the kiddos and I planted the plants. Hopefully in a few months, we will have fresh tasty veggies and a smaller grocery bill. We are growing tomatoes ( of course ), cucumbers, banana peppers, potatoes, squash, strawberries and carrots. We also planted a peach tree, but if you did around my past blogs, you will find the post about that. We also learned our lesson last year with the weeds, and are trying out this fabric you put down to protect the plants. All in all, it was a lot of back breaking work, but hopefully worth it in the end. 

It looks small in that pic, but trust me, it's big. Bigger than last year anyway. 


So today being mother's day, I have been forcing myself to think about what it means to be a mother, and I came up with a few things. See list below.
1. You will wake up to the sound of kids fighting over the last doughnut, not birds chirping.
2. You will find yourself using the phrase " stop eating your boogers" a lot.
3. Kids meals will never be enough to satisfy a kid. They will always look to your plate to fill them up instead.
4. No matter how much fun they had the day before, kids will ALWAYS tell you that you never do anything for them and whine because they're bored.
5. They say the darndest things, usually around other grownups and usually those grownups do not have kids. 


That's just a few that happened to me TODAY. But I would not trade it for anything in the world. 
So now with all that being said, I must cook dinner for my brood, get them cleaned, and then fight the good fight for bedtime. Until next time.




 

A Thrifty Day

Well today was a good day. Mcgyver and I drove our new Ford Focus to town, getting 35 miles per gallon, and only burnt a teaspoon of gas it seemed. We drove to Goodwill and dropped off a few tshirts, and then we went to Staples, and took advantage of some rebate savings. We got a pop up tape dispenser, and a pack of mechanical pencils free after rebate. Then we went to the mall, and got his ring fixed because somehow he managed to smash it at work one night. That was free also. Then we drove to Gary's Superfoods and that's where I got the most of my savings. I picked up 4 tony's pizzas, 4 2 liters of pepsi products and 1 can of redi wihp for 8.48 cents total! I had a cupon for 1 dollar off 2 pizzas and 50 cents off 2 pizzas. 35 cents off a can of redi whip and a 1 dollar off 4 sodas. Combined savings of 6.66! Yes, I know freaky right? Well here's a pic of my bounty!

See I've discovered the trick to getting things relatively cheaply. The trick is, buy only sale items and only the items you have cupons for. I've been managing to get bags of rolls for less than half off what they originally cost, bags of frozen veggies for pennies, and while I cannot extreme cupon, due to the fact that my stores do not double, and put HUGE restrictions on cupons and items, I am still managing to save a bit of money, and stock my fridge. I pour over the circulars every wednesday, viewing them online and whenever Mcgyver brings them home for me. Then I look at what cupons I have, and I go! I wasn't able to do this before. We had next to ZERO money to do any extra shopping with, so now that I can do a little bit, I'm having a field day! I love being able to run to the store every couple days and snatch up a deal. Also, I must say that after we did that amazing shopping , I went to subway where it was a dollar off my favorite sub, so I managed to pick up a footlong sub for 4 dollars, not 5. Aweesommmeee. Top that with the fact that Mcgyver sold his motorcycle for 5k, so that's 5k we can put towards our car, dropping the total down to just 9k left owed! Woop!

Anyway, I just wanted to tap out a quick one to brag about my savings. More to come I'm sure. Now if the weather would cooperate, I can start planting and then save even more! Hopefully it'll happen soon. Until next time lovelies.





What a dreary day

It's so gray out there. All the colors mesh together and all I see are gray and bright green. Bad weather is looming and we even have a severe winter watch on our hands. All this and in the last few days, we've had nothing but beautiful weather. Weather nice enough that I could open the windows and allow the breezes to blow through my house. But right now, not so much. The heat is on and I'm back to doning sweat pants, socks and sweatshirts. Oh well. It'll pass hopefully and nothing but beautiful planting weather will ensue. I'm kinda glad we didn't plant our strawberries the other day like I was really pressing Macgyver to do. I'm just kinda worried about our little peach tree. I hope it can survive.
Soccer practice has been called off today and reschedule for 30 minutes before the game on Sunday. HOPEFULLY the weather isn't miserable like it was last Sunday. It was just horrible. Still the princess managed to score two goals and come away with a big grin on her face, not to mention a slight limp. Sports are rough on kids, but she's managing.
I have some chocolate chips in my freezer just begging to be made into something. Cookies are overdone, I want to do something awesome with them. Any ideas?
Anywho, I'm all sorts of scattered today so will continue some other time when I'm not. Until next time.